his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
