my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
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