LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
