ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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