i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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