First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
We talked him into tasing himself.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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