I got her a Nickelback box set.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
