im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
