Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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