im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
