Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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