I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
