you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
