you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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