I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
