Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
