Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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