once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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