guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
