he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
