if you like me you must not know who I am
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
