Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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