True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
