Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
