i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
