Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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