so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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