I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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