I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
