I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
