i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
