Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He better not be in your backpack
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Drunk is a universal language darling
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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