The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
