One girl and one boy is just not enough.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Randomize
