I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
