She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
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Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
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I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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