I just threw up on my dentist
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
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