I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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