We named our party play list daddy issues
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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