My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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