then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
