those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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