I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
you win again, gameday.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
