I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
