You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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