So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
