Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
