I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I am one with the molecules
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
