woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
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It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
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just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize