Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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