i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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