she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
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i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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