I smell stomach acid.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
