After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
