It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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