There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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