sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Randomize
