It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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