Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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