So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
