I cut my penus on the lid.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Thank you for not boning my boss.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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