So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
