I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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