Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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