Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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