It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
this is an emotional support booty call
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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