Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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