Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
