she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
