well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
