my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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