she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
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Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
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i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that