im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.