Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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