I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume