He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.