Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
