There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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