so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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